Am I Ready for Relationships?See All Reviews
In one of the posts dedicated to dating, I have read that relationships are only for mature people and teenagers cannot actually love and don’t know how to love. That caused resentment inside me because I have a very firm position concerning all those stereotypical statements like “teen true love doesn’t exist,” “female friendship doesn’t exist,” “men cannot cook and cope well with domestic responsibilities.”
I believe that no one can just put a label, even if there is a certain statistics which proves that. I agree that most teenagers’ love affairs do not develop into serious relationships with happy ending in the form of marriage. However, it doesn’t mean that simple dating of two young people cannot consequently become a serious relationship. Everything depends on a range of factors, and if somebody tells you that you are not ready for dating because of your age, specific situation or any other circumstance, do not listen to them.
Am I ready to date?- Yes, you are, but first, you need to address the following questions to yourself and give honest answers to them.
Do you need relationship because you feel lonely?
The correct answer is No. People who are looking for a relationship to fill their inner emptiness or relieve from the feeling of loneliness rarely find a solution in a relationship because that’s not the cause of that. It is a very common mistake that loneliness can be compensated by a relationship. Nevertheless, a healthy and long-lasting relationship should never be initiated by a desire to get rid of this feeling, otherwise, such a relationship is doomed for suffering and misunderstanding.
A lonely person will always find comfort in a company of the one who accepts her/his sorrow. As a result, such a relationship turns into addiction, when one person cannot be happy without another and cannot spend a day without him/her because it causes that feeling of loneliness to come back. Consequently, it leads to quarrels because people cannot be together all the time and need some time when they are away from each other. That’s why a motivation for a relationship like - I am so lonely, I need somebody to take care of me is not the right way for a healthy relationship. First, you need to learn how not to feel discomfort from your loneliness, and only after that, you may start thinking about a relationship, if such a necessity will still be there after at all.
Do you need relationships because you are already 18/20/30/42 years old?
I intentionally do not specify the age because in every case, it is different. If you believe that a certain age is a right trigger for initialization of a relationship, you are wrong. There is a very harmful stereotype which many people, unfortunately, believe in.You are already (set any age) years old, and you are still not dating anybody! That’s wrong. You should find somebody immediately or you will be alone for the rest of your life!
There is no certain age when you should start a relationship. The only indicator should be your desire and readiness, but never your age. Some want dating in their 20s, while others are not ready up to 30s, and that’s normal. No interest in dating or relationships indicates that a person is not ready for such an important step in his/her life right now. And the stereotypes imposed by society such as rushing with dating may lead only to unhappy experience and, as a result, unwillingness to be in a relationship for a long time.
So, no matter how old you are and what other people think about the perfect age for relationships, you should start dating only when you want it yourself, and when you have those special feelings to a special person you like.
Do you realize that relationships are not only about romantic feelings, sex, and having a good time together?
How do most people imagine the perfect relationship? Endless talks? Having a good time together? Absolute mutual understanding and support? Unlimited love? Passionate sex every night? Most of these criteria or all of them together? Movies, books, music, and other means of mass culture dictate us how the perfect relationship should be. And when people start dating, most of these components become true. However, some time later, everything changes. Your soulmate starts spending less time with you. You start noticing that you do not have so many topics for discussion anymore because it seems you have talked about everything in this world. Is this the end? Maybe that’s not the right person and you should break up? No! Well, I cannot give a 100% guarantee that he/she is not, but you should understand that real relationships should not be exactly the same as you see on screen.
Usually, only one of the initial stages of dating relationships is covered by the stereotypical image of relationships. When people start dating, everything seems exactly as they have seen in movies or read in books (if we are talking about mutual and healthy dating). But with time, the relationships change, and that is okay. Nothing is everlasting or constant. Things become different, our surrounding changes as well as our thoughts, actions, and we also evolve under the pressure of circumstances that we face in our lives.
The first-month relationship will never be the same as in a year. You should clearly understand it. You will never find a person who will be the same in one, two, or five years. Once you start dating, accept the fact that a relationship is not only about some good things, there is also another side of it, and you should be ready that your partner may not always support you or want to spend all the free time with you.
Dating tips for new relationships
So, am I ready for a relationship? If these questions helped you to understand that dating is more than just having time together and is not a cure for loneliness, and that you need someone because you want to be with this person, share everything with him/her, and not only take from a relationship, but also invest in it, then you are.
And for last, I want to give some very short but worthy tips for new relationships.
Take it slowly
Enjoy the first stage of uncertainty and unknown, it will never happen again. Do not push your partner for making a new step in your relationships if he/she requires some more time. You have all the time in the world, so do not risk to spoil it by impatience.
Never compare your current partner with previous ones
I would even say never recall your previous relationships without a every acute necessity, and until you are absolutely sure that your current partner feels ok about that. Nobody likes listening to stories about exes, so don’t even dare to compare them with exes. That will lead to troubles, a lot of troubles.
Online dating works well too
If you are too busy to find a special one in real life, go online. There are a lot of dating apps for serious relationships, so don’t find excuses why you cannot be dating right now if you really want to.
Communication is the key
It is not about just talking. I am saying that you should learn to listen to what your partner says and understand why he or she raises such an issue at all. If you have a problem, discuss it. Grievances that each of you keeps inside and do not discuss will later turn into a gap of misunderstanding between you which will finally kill your relationship.
Nobody is perfect
You are not perfect, and neither is your partner. We are people, and each of us has certain shortcomings. Do not judge your soulmate for not being exactly as you want him or her to be. Try to find balance because you will never find a person who will satisfy each and every of your perfect model criterion.
Starting a relationship is a very important step in life. It is a decision that you should not take in a hurry because it may consequently have negative effects on your life and the life of your partner. Be free from illusions and stereotypes because that it is the key to long-lasting and happy relationships.